Ah, mes amis! I was informed this morning by a source diplomatique impeccable that the estimable M Salmond and his companion Mme Sturgeon will shortly announce their intention to explore the purchase of some 10,000 sq km of the Cote d’Azur, together with the transferance of an equal région of the Parc National des Cairngorms to the relevant Départements. A projecte most impressive, oui?

For both our nations there are the advantages certain. This purchase will raise the average temperature of Scotland in a matter of some significance. Au courant, the average daytime temperature in Mai in Nice is 20 degrees. At night we enjoy some 13 degrees. It will be a delight to warm the hearts of Les Challengers and wish them the conditions balmy for their great endeavour.

For ourselves, we will take pleasure in a sublimination of the heating of Juillet et Août. No longer may we endure the hotness intolerable. Our temperature average will subside.

The entente amoureuse between Scotland et La France has a persistance since the days of your Reine Marie But this is the history old, and for now I wish les Challengeurs/Challengers bon chance! Courage! Fortitude! I gift you my legs!

What is this madness? Has The Count lost his senses entirely? Or is this a matter for A Conclave Of Vetters?