Today's shock news is that unsightly tubs of lard have been found on the beach at St. Cyrus! Surprisingly these are not Challenge Legends checking their routes; it is cargo dislodged from a WW2 shipwreck off Johnshaven. Canny Eastcoasters have declared the lard is still edible if you wash the sand aff, ken.

No doubt the bounty that the Lord hath bestowethed (? check grammar here please Ed) on the good people of the North East will be reflected in the price of fish suppers at chippers up and down the coast.

Just the job for battered Mars bars.