This is a topic important to be discussed, and I sincerely hope there will be messages here, for this is an issue that affects us sooner or later.

I have some personal views, which may be right or wrong, but which I find useful as starting point.

A board must have a specific purpose: for instances discussing the latest advancements of medicine to cure Alzheimer disease, or how to help disabled people, or others like the work of an author, an artist, or it can also serve as a virtual meeting point for writers, professionals of the same area, etc.

If the board manages to keep its original purpose alive, of course there will be discussions, and even arguments, but they will be mostly centered on the main subject, on common interests, instead of on personal attacks and critics.

The administrators of the board must establish from the very beginning the prevailing rules: What is tolerated and what is not must be very clear. What is welcome and what is not, also. People must know how to contribute and when their contributions are expected. If the rules are not clear, it is impossible to follow them accordingly.

The administrators must establish a fair criteria in regard of warnings, critics and bannings, namely not threatening to ban a person just for a triviality, while tolerating repeated misbehaviour from others.

Positive behaviour should be stressed instead of negative ones. When a conflict arises, it is essential to see the sides of both parties, instead of condemning just one or the other, or both.

It is always important to point out the best qualities people have, instead of only stressing their faults.

If somebody has something to add, I will be very glad to hear.

Well, this will be interesting Lorena! I may not be the ideal person to respond here at the moment, bearing in mind my recent.......er........anomaly!

Well let me try to work this out...........I suppose there are many reasons why board fights break out. Probably as many reasons as there are members of a board. To me, MBs are a microcosm of RL; over here in London we have a multi-cultural society, so people of different backgrounds live side by side and form relationships - some good, some bad. Mostly we all get along.
MBs are similar multi-cultural societies. They also comprise people of different ages and familial backgrounds. All these pressures can result in the most amazing friendships being born - friendships which otherwise may never have forged, owing to the geographical constraints of RL. But friendships can and do have their ups and downs. A wise person once told me that if people never have rows, then it is usually because they are not communicating deeply or honestly enough. I've always felt this to be true. People who 'never have a cross word' may never have an honest word between them.
Board fights result from the pressures of complex relationships. They can simmer for a long time, or break out instantly from a snap remark. Sometimes a simmering situation terminates in a snap remark, the frustration of the long-term problem causing an explosion of epic proportions. Sometimes a point of view clashes with another and tough words must be spoken on both sides to come to terms.

The outcome is usually major change. A person leaves, another stays. Some leave temporarily, to return later when 'enough time has passed'.
Board fights will continue to happen as long as people continue to communicate. That's life. They don't cause an end to relationships, but rather an evolving of them. People grow from them and learn to understand one another better. Sometimes it just takes time for the dust to settle.........

Spy, I guess by now it is needless to say how much I enjoy your comments, that are an expression of your lively intelligence and of your wisdom.

If we don´t have the liberty to express our opinions to the people we like, it is terrible, the relationship loses substance, isn´t it so? With that other English friend I have, Sidney, I had arguments always, but we enjoyed discussing things about which we disagreed, and it has always been profitable. It is a friendship that has been lasting twenty four years, how about that?

In the middle of these arguments, when the atmosphere was getting too heavy, I generally interrupted the discussion and said to him. Now I am the terrible Da Silva woman, and I am going to punish you severely. The Madona is watching over you, Englishman, and she will punish you horribly too. We started laughing then, and resumed the argument. It was too funny and amusing.

I called him Jenkins, my butler, I called him Lord Leicester, and we built stories and plays, starting from these characters, exactly like I do with you and Madam.

I love you, Spy.

I love you too, Lorena.

I can just imagine you and Sidney arguing the toss over a glass or two in a bar somewhere. We'll do that too, amiga, one day. Till then, we'll continue to chat like this and play games with one another occasionally. You know Spygirl likes to have fun as well as discussing important matters.

I'm glad I found your forum - it's now so much easier to speak to you. I wonder how many others will join in so we can have some lively debates?

Knock-knock......am I allowed to stick my nose through the door?
Not that I have a spare minute...........

My 2 cents: in short, some people seem to have problems with those very fine lines and there is nothing anybody can be done about it. Letting it go is most probably the most difficult task of all.

How are you Lorena?

HTF, what a pleasure to see you here! Apart from some normal ups and downs, I am fine. And you?

All your opinions are welcome. It is really tough to let go sometimes. This is something I am permanently learning.

We all keep learning Lorena.............until the very end. I am trying very hard to die smart

In another board, a friend of ours started a thread called The Sharing Thread with the best intentions. The idea was to give posters an opportunity to share their life experiences.

In that thread, Carolina Moonshine today raised an interesting question. In short, what she questioned was what we can really share and how? I find this question is interesting, and I am approaching this issue here, instead of there, because honestly I wonder if such discussion can be led in that thread.

I confess I don´t feel comfortable to post in that particular thread anymore. So, if anyone wishes to discuss the question raised by Carolina, or even herself, you and her are welcome.

Hello Lorena: I´m just knocking at your door too, because the matter in discussion is very interesting and very misterious to me. I ´d prefer to write in Spanish, knowing that you´d probably understand it, but as English is the chosen language for this discussion, I´ll try my best.
I´ve been reading some boards and I was very surprised to notice that moderators had made a lot of rules to prevent hard discussion. And sometimes those rules, with the best intentions, act again freedom like a kind of censure. Or make discussions so light and superficial, where everybody is trying so hard to hurt nobody, that in the end nobody says nothing but trivialities.
When the matter realy matters, discussion sometimes gets tough. And it is not necessary bad. Some people has a dark sense of humour too, and other people has difficulties to understand that sense of humour. But you know that sense of humour is "la sal de la vida", and is terrible to forbid it in order to mantain everybody peacefull.
If I´d had to choose between order and freedom, I´d prefer freedom, knowing that is rather less comfortable. If I should put rules, I´d only choose very few that are against discrimination, to offend people about personal matters, and protect kids from adult stuff. And nothing else.
If you allow me to give an example, a famous cinema magazine wrote an acid and injust critic about Les Invasions Barbares. I was surprised to find myself writing an insulting letter to them and was afraid of the answer I´d have. I was surprised too to find that a lot of usual readers wrote similar (and harder) letters. That enormous quantity of letters provoked one of the most interesting intellectual discussions about cinema I´ve read. Of course nobody changed their mind completely, but the critics found that they couldn´t be as snob and injust they were without having to listen a word or too. And perhaps somebody had an opportunity to think about it better.
Everybody doesn´t think the same way. People can disagree or even fight. Moderators should try to mantain things calm without saying people to shut their mouths or deleting their posts. And some people can go and eventually return.
And in some boards, everybody should remember that those places are ways to enjoy themselves and have a better life.
It´s a long letter. I´m sorry.
Please give my love to all Brazilian people and kisses for you.
La Osa

Hi Osapolar:

Yes I can read in Spanish, it is so similar to Portuguese, and this is why we Brazilians never learn to speak Spanish correctly, because the languages are similar, and we tend to speak in Portuguese adopting spanish words now and then. In the South of Brazil people speak a sort of gaucho dialect that is even more similar to Spanish. They don´t say bom dia as we say in Rio de Janeiro, or in other parts of Brazil, for instances, but buenas.

I agree with you entirely. If I had to choose, I would prefer freedom. Generally fights occur between two or three individuals, and I think to curb them from saying what is in their minds won´t help much. But this is my opinion. Others think differently, and feel uncomfortable when they see arguments.

I think this is a subject that greatly inrerests Spygirluk and SL, and I hope they will continue to discuss it with us.

osapolar - your opinions are very wise, i enjoyed reading them. i too would chose freedom: as long as posts are not flaming, i believe people should be able to express their honest opinion without fear of censorship. and friendships can and do improve after strong words are spoken. your comment: "......Or make discussions so light and superficial, where everybody is trying so hard to hurt nobody, that in the end nobody says nothing but trivialities." is so true. i'd much rather discuss important matters and really get to the bottom of things in order to sort things out. sometimes a situation has festered for a long time without anyone speaking up to try to change things for the better. and sometimes strong words have to be spoken before change is affected. honesty is never wasted. it can hurt sometimes, but ultimately a deeper communication and understanding results. that's always a good thing.

lorena - you know i always love discussing important matters like this with you. i respect the fact that you are always honest about your feelings, never afraid to speak your mind. it's important to feel free to discuss serious matters without risk of censorship, just as it is important to be wacky too - and you know spygirl can be very wacky sometimes!!!!!

i think sanibelle would be interested in this too.......