oldtimer

Jun 10, 08 - 4:31 AM

LDR a question...

if it's excepted as part of life to have a couple of women/men and a person is involved (stepping in) is it really cheating on their part?

Suz

Jun 10th, 2008 - 6:41 AM

Re: LDR a question...

If it's accepted, No - But who said it's accepted?

Tammy

Jun 10th, 2008 - 7:38 AM

Re: LDR a question...

Not accepted here I can assure you.

Now what I don't know and probably even more importantly what I don't "suspect" won't get him hurt.

Wish I could speak more about this but I really don't even know what to say beings there is so much that could be said. For me personally I could have never trusted a Negril man enough to marry him or even be upfront and open that we were together. That is just how I feel about 99.9% of those guys in Negril. Of course then you have the men from the countryside that have their choice of many beautiful Jamaican women. I guess you take a chance on love and you hope for the best. I have been up and down in the past year and a half. Sometimes I'm glad I married and sometimes I would like to slap myself in the head.

Of course not only have we had to deal with a new marriage, being thousands of miles apart but also a lot of serious things have went on that have affected our lives and our lives as a couple. All the way from Murder to death to imprisonment of family to family completely falling apart. Trust me these things have taken a toll on us and truly caused a strain on the relationship. We always love eachother in the end and even though we have had to deal with many things and also made some bad decisions we are still moving forward even if it's an inch at a time.

It can work and it does work many times but it definitely requires a lot of work and a hell of a lot of Faith in GOD. For me personally I just have Faith that whatever God's will is that is what it will be and I'm just holding on for the ride.

wendy

Jun 10th, 2008 - 8:25 AM

Re: LDR a question...

if all participants KNOW that there are others,(which should be discused in the begining )then yes. IF the person stepping in is in total disagreement with this sort of situation, then she/he is in the wrong relationship and needs to move on.

oldtimer

Jun 10th, 2008 - 8:42 AM

well said

it is just like the place in Texas and British Columbia ,the poly(sp) something faith.nobody seems to mind.

Lola

Jun 10th, 2008 - 9:45 AM

Re: LDR a question...

I agree with Wendy.

OT, I don't agree with you about Texas etc., as there was a lot of coercion and 'training' to break people down to get them to participate.

Nikki

Jun 11th, 2008 - 6:17 AM

Re: LDR a question...

Cheating is cheating OT...If one of the parties involved doesn't know about another,"IT'S CHEATING"...If EVERYBODY knows and has no problem with it then it's "accepted"

oldtimer

Jun 11th, 2008 - 8:40 AM

bang dead on !!!!!!

I totally agree

ray

Jun 12th, 2008 - 2:40 PM

Re: LDR a question...

relationships do not usually form overnight - usually a process, not an event...seems to me that it should be expected that if you are newly dating that you and the other person are dating and that means "playing the field" - no exclusivity. When the time comes to make a decision to move it to the nesxt step, there should be a discussion and a meeting of the minds about exclusivity or continuing to play the field...bot parties should be straight up about where things are going...once two have decided to be exclusive, then after that it would be cheating. some people decide to see otthe people..if that is the understanding - then not cheating. I think it really depneds on the relationship, the stage of the relationship and the decisions of both parties.

wendy

Jun 12th, 2008 - 4:49 PM

Re: Re: LDR a question...

i agree ray. i got to thinking....you know how everyone gets down on the woman for dating a JA man and paying for dinner, drinks etc....some folks believe hes then a gig. ok, how bout when ya dating a man here in the states and he pays for everything, dinner, drinks, movie etc...whats the difference than ? the male then is called a true old fashioned gentlemen. oh, forgot to add....you are just dating, meaning dating other guys also....why is it that the woman can get away with it (man paying) but in jamaica its a no no when the woman pays ?? do you get my drift ? don't know if i worded everything in the right way i wanted to, lol.

oldtimer

Jun 13th, 2008 - 7:22 AM

just keep on believing that...

but I would think that most people meet AT WORK or social events other than on the street with opening lines like "Hey pretty lady" but I guess that beats "if you buy me dinner I'll have sex with you."

ray

Jun 14th, 2008 - 7:06 AM

Re: LDR a question...

i hear you what you are saying there wendy...when it really comes down to it, somebody is always gonna have something to say - gonna wanna burst your bubble...wanna put you down...

u just gotta say - the hell with them like i do. Doesn't mean they won't get to you sometimes...they will. u find out who your friends are this way too...

oldtimer - you sound very bitter...i am sorry if that is the case. it is very good to be cautious and discerning, but when it gets to being bitter, it is destructive. sending healing thoughts your way.

wendy

Jun 14th, 2008 - 8:10 AM

Re: Re: LDR a question...

aren't all OLDTIMERS bitter, LOL LOL

oldtimer

Jun 14th, 2008 - 2:40 PM

Wrong guy here if yer...

talking about me !!!!

Tammy

Jun 14th, 2008 - 8:26 AM

Re: LDR a question...

tru tru Wendy .. I get bitter sometimes too.

ray

Jun 14th, 2008 - 5:02 PM

Re: LDR a question...

"oldtimer - you sound very bitter...i am sorry if that is the case"

keywords are "sound" and "if". If it is not the case, then great. I only say this as many of your posts seem really down on ja which is why i said "sounds" and "if". Please do not take it the wrong way as I stated that if it is the case i wish you healing. No trouble wanted here. I know the best medicine for bitterness I have had is someone pointing it out to me and I stated this only with the best intentions.

oldtimer

Jun 15th, 2008 - 3:50 AM

Sorry Ray...

not bitter at all about anything.Having said that the couple of things that "disappoint" me are 1.the amount of crack cocaine ALLOWED !!! and how it has affected people.2.the lack of respect that the locals (well I guess they might not be locals) give the tourist/visitors (me included sometimes)on the street,on the beach and in the clubs.I have 40 some years experience in that country,mostly working and fighting through the system of "soon come" "no problem",and "shrinking inventory".Lots,and lots of happy times but looking over ones shoulder takes the fun out of spontinuity(sp).I love all the little bars but hate the bums,I love the beach but hate the hassle,I love the entertainment but hate the "approachs"while there.Being divorced myself I would find it very disheartening to think that my "alimoney" went to supporting a "Stella" habit instead of visits to their children and as a father of 5 (4 daughters) I find it disgusting to see older men with these young girls. I know that defence is the 1st step of admitting guilt..so be it....hehehe
and that Ray is "the rest of the story".

ray

Jun 15th, 2008 - 8:42 AM

Re: LDR a question...

oldtimer - i understand and agree with your sentiments...so maybe not bitter, just disenchanted...fair enough...i too dislike most of the things you mentioned. must be tought watching the slide downhill over such a long period and watching paradise turn into a parking lot.

oldtimer

Jun 15th, 2008 - 10:09 AM

It absolutely does..

disenchants me !!! I think the death penalty should be put into effect for crack cocaine.....but kind of looking at it...it already is in place but it takes more than one sometimes. All the thinks that made Jamaica (Negril or any place) is being changed to make it another place to leave....!!! I am going for the month of Feb (92% sure).This will tell the tail.

ray

Jun 15th, 2008 - 10:18 AM

Re: LDR a question...

wishing you a nice reach - 100% sure...please be careful...don't let any anger rear its' ugly head in the wrong situation - i will be looking forwawrd to some good trip reports.

Author	Comment
oldtimer Jun 10, 08 - 4:31 AM	LDR a question... if it's excepted as part of life to have a couple of women/men and a person is involved (stepping in) is it really cheating on their part?
Suz Jun 10th, 2008 - 6:41 AM	Re: LDR a question... If it's accepted, No - But who said it's accepted?
Tammy Jun 10th, 2008 - 7:38 AM	Re: LDR a question... Not accepted here I can assure you. Now what I don't know and probably even more importantly what I don't "suspect" won't get him hurt. Wish I could speak more about this but I really don't even know what to say beings there is so much that could be said. For me personally I could have never trusted a Negril man enough to marry him or even be upfront and open that we were together. That is just how I feel about 99.9% of those guys in Negril. Of course then you have the men from the countryside that have their choice of many beautiful Jamaican women. I guess you take a chance on love and you hope for the best. I have been up and down in the past year and a half. Sometimes I'm glad I married and sometimes I would like to slap myself in the head. Of course not only have we had to deal with a new marriage, being thousands of miles apart but also a lot of serious things have went on that have affected our lives and our lives as a couple. All the way from Murder to death to imprisonment of family to family completely falling apart. Trust me these things have taken a toll on us and truly caused a strain on the relationship. We always love eachother in the end and even though we have had to deal with many things and also made some bad decisions we are still moving forward even if it's an inch at a time. It can work and it does work many times but it definitely requires a lot of work and a hell of a lot of Faith in GOD. For me personally I just have Faith that whatever God's will is that is what it will be and I'm just holding on for the ride.
wendy Jun 10th, 2008 - 8:25 AM	Re: LDR a question... if all participants KNOW that there are others,(which should be discused in the begining )then yes. IF the person stepping in is in total disagreement with this sort of situation, then she/he is in the wrong relationship and needs to move on. Email: wao58@aol.com
oldtimer Jun 10th, 2008 - 8:42 AM	well said it is just like the place in Texas and British Columbia ,the poly(sp) something faith.nobody seems to mind.
Lola Jun 10th, 2008 - 9:45 AM	Re: LDR a question... I agree with Wendy. OT, I don't agree with you about Texas etc., as there was a lot of coercion and 'training' to break people down to get them to participate.
Nikki Jun 11th, 2008 - 6:17 AM	Re: LDR a question... Cheating is cheating OT...If one of the parties involved doesn't know about another,"IT'S CHEATING"...If EVERYBODY knows and has no problem with it then it's "accepted" Email: nikball@gmail.com
oldtimer Jun 11th, 2008 - 8:40 AM	bang dead on !!!!!! I totally agree
ray Jun 12th, 2008 - 2:40 PM	Re: LDR a question... relationships do not usually form overnight - usually a process, not an event...seems to me that it should be expected that if you are newly dating that you and the other person are dating and that means "playing the field" - no exclusivity. When the time comes to make a decision to move it to the nesxt step, there should be a discussion and a meeting of the minds about exclusivity or continuing to play the field...bot parties should be straight up about where things are going...once two have decided to be exclusive, then after that it would be cheating. some people decide to see otthe people..if that is the understanding - then not cheating. I think it really depneds on the relationship, the stage of the relationship and the decisions of both parties. Email: raymonddoug10@aol.com
wendy Jun 12th, 2008 - 4:49 PM	Re: Re: LDR a question... i agree ray. i got to thinking....you know how everyone gets down on the woman for dating a JA man and paying for dinner, drinks etc....some folks believe hes then a gig. ok, how bout when ya dating a man here in the states and he pays for everything, dinner, drinks, movie etc...whats the difference than ? the male then is called a true old fashioned gentlemen. oh, forgot to add....you are just dating, meaning dating other guys also....why is it that the woman can get away with it (man paying) but in jamaica its a no no when the woman pays ?? do you get my drift ? don't know if i worded everything in the right way i wanted to, lol. Email: wao58@aol.com
oldtimer Jun 13th, 2008 - 7:22 AM	just keep on believing that... but I would think that most people meet AT WORK or social events other than on the street with opening lines like "Hey pretty lady" but I guess that beats "if you buy me dinner I'll have sex with you."
ray Jun 14th, 2008 - 7:06 AM	Re: LDR a question... i hear you what you are saying there wendy...when it really comes down to it, somebody is always gonna have something to say - gonna wanna burst your bubble...wanna put you down... u just gotta say - the hell with them like i do. Doesn't mean they won't get to you sometimes...they will. u find out who your friends are this way too... oldtimer - you sound very bitter...i am sorry if that is the case. it is very good to be cautious and discerning, but when it gets to being bitter, it is destructive. sending healing thoughts your way.
wendy Jun 14th, 2008 - 8:10 AM	Re: Re: LDR a question... aren't all OLDTIMERS bitter, LOL LOL Email: wao58@aol.com
oldtimer Jun 14th, 2008 - 2:40 PM	Wrong guy here if yer... talking about me !!!!
Tammy Jun 14th, 2008 - 8:26 AM	Re: LDR a question... tru tru Wendy .. I get bitter sometimes too.
ray Jun 14th, 2008 - 5:02 PM	Re: LDR a question... "oldtimer - you sound very bitter...i am sorry if that is the case" keywords are "sound" and "if". If it is not the case, then great. I only say this as many of your posts seem really down on ja which is why i said "sounds" and "if". Please do not take it the wrong way as I stated that if it is the case i wish you healing. No trouble wanted here. I know the best medicine for bitterness I have had is someone pointing it out to me and I stated this only with the best intentions.
oldtimer Jun 15th, 2008 - 3:50 AM	Sorry Ray... not bitter at all about anything.Having said that the couple of things that "disappoint" me are 1.the amount of crack cocaine ALLOWED !!! and how it has affected people.2.the lack of respect that the locals (well I guess they might not be locals) give the tourist/visitors (me included sometimes)on the street,on the beach and in the clubs.I have 40 some years experience in that country,mostly working and fighting through the system of "soon come" "no problem",and "shrinking inventory".Lots,and lots of happy times but looking over ones shoulder takes the fun out of spontinuity(sp).I love all the little bars but hate the bums,I love the beach but hate the hassle,I love the entertainment but hate the "approachs"while there.Being divorced myself I would find it very disheartening to think that my "alimoney" went to supporting a "Stella" habit instead of visits to their children and as a father of 5 (4 daughters) I find it disgusting to see older men with these young girls. I know that defence is the 1st step of admitting guilt..so be it....hehehe and that Ray is "the rest of the story".
ray Jun 15th, 2008 - 8:42 AM	Re: LDR a question... oldtimer - i understand and agree with your sentiments...so maybe not bitter, just disenchanted...fair enough...i too dislike most of the things you mentioned. must be tought watching the slide downhill over such a long period and watching paradise turn into a parking lot.
oldtimer Jun 15th, 2008 - 10:09 AM	It absolutely does.. disenchants me !!! I think the death penalty should be put into effect for crack cocaine.....but kind of looking at it...it already is in place but it takes more than one sometimes. All the thinks that made Jamaica (Negril or any place) is being changed to make it another place to leave....!!! I am going for the month of Feb (92% sure).This will tell the tail.
ray Jun 15th, 2008 - 10:18 AM	Re: LDR a question... wishing you a nice reach - 100% sure...please be careful...don't let any anger rear its' ugly head in the wrong situation - i will be looking forwawrd to some good trip reports.